Part I – What is love?
“Love” is a well used word in the English language. But few who use it really know what it means.
To be sure, in common usage the word can express any one or a combination of meanings, all of which are correct for ordinary speech. Sometimes the meaning of the word is very clear from the context. For example, few will wonder what is meant by, “I love chocolate.” And few will confuse what is meant by “love” in that sentence with “love” in, “I love you, Dad,” or with, “I love you, my darling,” or “Let’s make love.” Yet, even though almost everyone sees a difference between these three examples and, “I love chocolate,” exactly what is meant by “love” in these three examples is not totally clear.
Clarifying by additional conversation and actions will generally enable us more clearly to understand what the speaker or writer means by “love”, and as long as we are referring to common usage in society, that is appropriate and adequate.
A problem comes, however, when people take any of these common understandings of the word and force them upon the Bible to insist that such is the kind of love the Bible is referring to. One egregious example is when people define love to mean acceptance of a person’s actions, attitudes, or opinions with no evaluation or judgment on the correctness of those actions, attitudes, and opinions. “You must accept me (and my behavior) as I am without judgment or criticism because the Bible says we should be loving.”1 If we want to understand “love” when God uses the word, we need to understand what it means in the Bible.
While the Hebrew of the Old Testament has a range of meanings for the words translated “love”, the words God chose for “love” in the New Testament are much more narrow and specific. The New Testament never uses the Greek word for romantic love: eros (er-ȯs). Another Greek word for love, storge (stōr-gā), is not found in the Bible except in its antonym form. (2 Timothy 3:3; Romans 1:13) This is the love of family, the love of common experiences and interests, especially when developed over a long period of time. People without this kind of love are called “heartless” because they lack the closeness and familiarity that would normally be expected in a family or brotherhood. The Greek word for “desire, longing” (including sexual desire) is epithumia (ĕ-pĭ-thū-mē-ä). It is never translated as “love” in the Bible, but as “lust, covet, crave, long for”. In the Bible it is almost always a sinful or forbidden desire.2
There are but two Greek words in the New Testament commonly translated “love”, and neither of them ever refers to non-critical acceptance, romance, selfish desire, or sexual intimacy.
One of those two words is phileo (fĭ-lĕ-ō). This kind of love can be an emotion, but is more exactly to be considered an attitude or a state of mind. It is the love of friendship, the love of enjoyment, the love that desires to have and keep something, as when one loves life. The name of the City of Philadelphia derives from this word with the Greek word for brother (adelphos– ä-děl-fȯs): “the city of brotherly love”. This Greek word is used 25 times in the Bible. When Jesus asked Peter, “Do you truly love me?”, Peter answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you,” using this word. Yes, Lord, you know that I like you; I enjoy your presence; I want you to stay with me. (John 21:16)3
The other Greek word that is used in the New Testament is agape (ä-gä-pā). It appears about 300 times, either as a noun or as a verb. When Jesus said, “Love God with all your heart, soul, and mind,” this is the word he used. So it was with, “Love your neighbor as yourself;” “Love your enemies;” “Love one another as I have loved you;” “Hereby shall all men know that you are my disciples, because you love one another;” and “Love is the fulfillment of the Law.”
This love is not an emotion. It is not uncritical acceptance or approval. Three passages from Scripture make it very clear what this love is. “Live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us.” (Ephesians 5:2) “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” (Ephesians 5:25) “God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” (John 3:16) This is the attitude, decision, and commitment that moves one to sacrifice himself for the benefit of those he loves (1 John 3:18). This love doesn’t just happen; it is deliberate. It is not focused on self, but on the good and needs of others, even if those others are enemies. It is willing and dedicated to sacrifice one’s own comfort, convenience, preferences, and even safety and life for the good of someone else. “Love is when the other person’s happiness is more important than your own.” (H. Jackson Brown, Jr.)
This love does not depend on how good or lovable someone is. It is God-like, even as God loved us while we were yet sinners and loathsome to his justice. It demands nothing up front and nothing in return, but simply prays that it will be received with thanksgiving to God.
When we realize that this is the kind of love God wants us to have and practice, the foolishness of common maxims about love comes to light.
- “I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.” (Erich Fried as translated by Roy Croft.) This is not Biblical love, but selfishness.
- “Love means not ever having to say you’re sorry.” (Erich Segal in Love Story.) What trash! Love recognizes that we are always sinful and that we will make mistakes that hurt those we love. Love demands an apology to those we have offended. Love also longs for an apology from those who have offended us so that we can have the opportunity to assure them of forgiveness.
- “I love you so much, I cannot live without you.” Again, pure selfishness, the very opposite of true love.
- “I can’t help falling in love with you.” Where’s the decision and commitment? If you can helplessly fall into something, you can fall out of it just as helplessly.
Agape is the love that God wants us to have, a deliberate commitment to sacrifice ourselves for the good of others.
Part II – Love and truth.
Note that the Bible says “the truth”; not “some truth” or “your truth” or “my truth”. The modern idea that all truth is culturally dependent, that there is no absolute, universal, or objective truth is a lie. God clearly says in his Word that there is objective truth. He also identifies what the ultimate standard of truth is: “Thy Word is truth.”
The important point for the title of this paper, however, is that there is a relationship between real Biblical love and the truth. Truth without love, if there could be such a thing, would be dead orthodoxy that sooner or later will degenerate into hateful arrogance. Love without truth wouldn’t be true love, for love is interested in the benefit of the beloved and when the truth reveals that someone you love is heading down a dangerous path, love demands that the truth be spoken with the goal to rescue the erring. When one knows a beautiful pathway leads over a dangerous and deadly cliff, love does not encourage those taking that path to continue merrily on their way. Love will not join, affirm, celebrate, or encourage those taking that path. And if some take that path anyway, love will continue to speak the truth lest others follow. Speaking the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15) does not abandon the truth.
God makes it very clear: the truth is that sin – every kind and degree of sin – leads to problems, pain, and death. It alienates people from God and even if sinners’ earthly lives might be filled with enjoyable things, eternal joy is at risk. Love, therefore, does not condone, affirm, encourage, or celebrate any sin, but speaks out against it, even if society hates and persecutes the speaker. Society is not the norm or standard of truth. Therefore, love does not condone, affirm, encourage, or celebrate:
- thievery
- lying and false witness
- coveting
- extortion
- physical and sexual abuse
- violence and rioting
- pedophilia
- sexual intimacy outside of marriage, polygamy, “swinging” and open marriages
- divorce for non-Biblical causes
- homosexual activity
- transgenderism and any form of polygenderism
- murder
- voluntary abortion for any reason other than saving the life of the mother (A baby in the womb is a unique living human being, not a part of the mother’s body, no matter what the circumstances leading to its being there. If the life of both mother and child cannot be preserved, save what you can save.)
- teaching and believing naturalistic evolution
- false doctrine
- disobedience and disrespect of parents and others in authority
- the misuse of God’s name
- idolatry and witchcraft
- poor stewardship (All we are and have belongs to God, entrusted to our care, the earth included.)
- racism and anything that promotes racism; such as, “Wokism”, “intersectionalism”, and the like
Christian love does not only truthfully identify sin as sin, it also affirms the fact that salvation is found only through faith in Jesus Christ. This is the clear testimony of Scripture. Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except by me.” (John 14:6) “Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to mankind by which we must be saved.” (Acts 4:12) “Whoever believes in Him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe has already been condemned, because he has not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son.” (John 3:18) “Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life. Whoever rejects the Son will not see life. Instead, the wrath of God remains on him.” (John 3:36) When the truth is that there is only one path, only one door, to eternal salvation, love does not fail to warn those taking a different path, however easy or popular it may be. The issue is not merely civic peace on earth; it’s about eternity. There are only two ultimate destinations. One way leads to eternal life in harmony with God. All others lead to eternal pain and death. That’s the reality. That’s the truth, whether or not one believes it.
This truth is not exclusionary, as some claim. The one way of salvation excludes no one. All are invited. “God was in Christ reconciling the world unto himself.” (2 Corinthians 5:19) “Christ died for all.” (2 Corinthians 5:15) If anyone is excluded, it is not because of God’s truth or the Christians’ message, but because of that person’s refusal to believe God’s message of salvation.
Loving Christians do not want to see other sinners end up in hell. Christians want all sinners to experience the joys of eternal salvation and the blessings of Godly living while still on earth. Christians recognize that they are just as sinful as any. But they also know the truth that God has in Christ paid for the sins of all. Love moves them to reach out in warning so that sinners who do not yet know the forgiveness of sins in Christ will see, recognize, and repent of their sins so that they may believe in and receive God’s forgiveness by faith. They want sinners to forsake their sinful ways so that even in earthly life, they may enjoy the blessings of God.
1 A similar ploy is used by those who want to continue sinning when they cite “Judge not and you will not be judged.” (Matthew 7:1; Luke 6:36; Romans 2:1; 14:10,13; 1 Corinthians 4:5). But they conveniently fail to consider John 7:24 (“Judge correctly”) and 1 Corinthians 6:3 (We shall judge angels and should judge things of this life.) They ignore Jesus commission to teach everything he has commanded (Matthew 28:), God’s instruction to Jeremiah to speak all the words he has commanded (Jeremiah 26:2), and God’s warning to Ezekiel to warn both the wicked and the righteous against sin (Ezekiel 3:16-21). Pronouncing judgment against sinful activity is not judging hearts but declaring God’s judgment and proclaiming God’s truth. Identifying sin as sin is an act of love, especially for those who don’t realize their actions are sinful. (See Romans 7:7.) Sins separate people from God (Isaiah 59:2). Restoration comes only through repentance.
2 In referring to physical intimacy in marriage, the Bible does not use epithumia, but speaks of a person’s “marital duty” and “coming together” (1 Corinthians 7:3-5). While each partner in marriage receives pleasure in sexual intimacy, the motivation in sexual intimacy should not be focused on self, but on how one can lovingly provide good and pleasure to one’s spouse. Desiring sexual intimacy with one’s spouse is not a sin, but it is to be practiced in self-sacrificing love.
3 The first two time Jesus asked Peter, “Do you love me?” he used agape. The third time he used phileo. Peter was hurt not because Jesus asked him the question three times, but because he used a different word the third time. Peter had answered the first two questions with phileo. He did not boastfully claim to have self-sacrificing love for Jesus. But in the third question Jesus was asking: Do you even love me in this lesser way?